(The picture above, from downtowngeorgetownassociation.org, documents the only smile of Charlie Brown’s sad, pathetic life.)

Many newspapers continue to run Peanuts comics daily, even though the strip ended several years back. One of these happens to be RU’s student paper, the Daily Targum. Seeing it in there day after day, my appreciation just keeps growing at what a gargantuan black hole of sheer hopeless, morbidly depressing continuous personal hell and unending, soul-crushing misery this strip really was. Here’s the dialogue from today’s:

Lucy: Do you ever worry about the world getting blown up, Charlie Brown? Charlie Brown: It all depends…what day is today? L: Tuesday CB: Well, on Tuesdays I worry about personality problems…(next panel)…Thursday is my day for worrying about the world getting blown up!

Aren’t they just PRECIOUS?!

To prove this is not an anomaly, let us take a look at Monday’s edition.

Two horrendous young wenches, unloading on Charlie Brown for absolutely no reason: You’re WEAK! You’re a real JELLYFISH!…(next panel)…you’re DUMB, you’re STUPID, you’re IGNORANT and you have a SILLY FACE! Schroeder: Poor Charlie Brown…I see the cats have been using you to sharpen their claws again, huh? Charlie Brown: Yeah, I’m sort of a spiritual scratching post!

Really, I think it’s just adorable that good ol’ Charlie Brown has developed a cynical, sarcastic sense of self-deprecation, probably to avert a suicide attempt. It’s hard to imagine how miserable he’s going to be when the hormones really start kicking in, but to get an idea of how bad it already is, here’s a heartwarming Valentine’s day edition of the strip, a solo act from the King of Gloom:

Charlie Brown: I can’t stand it! look at ’em all laughing and enjoying themselves with their valentines! I sent everyone I know a valentine. But did I get any in return? NO! Not a single one! Everybody gets valentines except me! Nobody likes me! Look at ’em! They all got valentines! Everybody got valentines except me! Even “Pig-Pen” gets valentines…but do I? NO! i get as many valentines as a DOG!!…(Snoopy runs by, carrying at least a half-dozen valentines in his mouth)…*SIGH*

What’s great here is how he doesn’t flip out at the end. Just a sigh. He can’t even care that much anymore. He’s what, eight years old? Yet, he has already had the life savagely beaten out of his completely undistinguished existence. It must be a joy to wake up in the morning and start your day by reading this “comic.” Really, what’s all that “comic” about it, anyway? You’re a good man, Charlie Brown…it’s too bad your entire life is the equivalent of an ongoing 15-car pileup.

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