Softcore pornography is an American institution dating back to the 1980’s. In the late 1960’s and 1970’s, uncontrollable, unprotected group sex was as common as a cup of coffee in the morning. In fact, the Smithsonian Institute (Washington DC, USA) recently came forth with some data suggesting that everyone who lived in the year 1967 had sex with everyone else who lived that year. As technology evolved, so did the sex industry. In 1973, 4 of the top 10 grossing films of the year were XXX features. President James Carter (D-Ga), realizing that there was a sexidemic taking control of our nation’s next generation, brought into action a bill requiring the removal of all enjoyable sex from all major motion pictures in the Spring of 1980. It was this bill, effectively, that ended our nation’s love affair with love.

As we entered the hustle and bustle of the “go-go 80’s,” the rapid pace of the decade and the new porn restrictions started having negative effects on masturbators. Young men were being turned on left and right, whether it be from a flash of ankle from Sister Katherine, the local “hot” nun, or from realizing their best friend’s mom left her underwear hanging on the line. At the same time, cable TV was coming into its own. All over the place, it seemed The New Yorker was featuring clever comics where a slovenly type flipped through his 500 channels, only to remark “Nothin’ on.” We as a people were finally discovering the beauty of not having to leave our own homes to see violence and hear language that shocked and offended us. But why not nudity? The good folks over at HBO had a plan for that, too. When the time was right, they would give America its breasts back. So in March of 1983, Cinemax, owned by the HBO Juggernaut, debuted as a 24 hour a day softcore porn network. Soon, American men (and women, too! they do it too!) were getting back on track regarding eroticism. While the enormous porn cathedrals of the 70’s had closed their IMAX screens and stadium seats, people were once again enjoying near-porn, courtesy of the good folks at Cinemax.

Were it not for Jimmy Carter, our nation might still be fornicating in the fields and parks and smoke-filled vans of the over populated West coast. And if Cinemax had not come and given our nation’s youths a real reason to maintain blood flow to their parts, we might all still be staring at nun’s ankles. The sexuality of a culture must develop with that culture, and this development will surely take time. But as we enter our 231st year of existence, we enter it knowing that our culture is as sexually healthy as it can be. Now… lets all watch people gyrate against each other — together!