(Tempting as it might be to label me a comic genius for referring to a part of “Trombone Dixie” as a “movement,” please wait until the end before heaping upon me such praise. The title is far from the only thing worthy of your admiration.)

Now, it seems that I shan’t ever be on my merry way without some form of Distraction arising, which is precisely what occurred just as I tried to make a friendly-Lady Acquaintance at a local Speak-Easy. (What do you mean, they’re legal now? Balderdash! I’ll have none of that foolishness from you!) Anyhow, I fancied that this fair lass and myself were “hitting it off,” as you people like to say, when a most peculiar happenstance arose – she proposed that we “Sleep” together. Needless to say, I had not been so disgusted and insulted since I was first exposed to that ignominious abomination known as “Def Comedy Jam.” What platitudinous nonsense that was, eh?

Oh, dear me, it seems I have already written a substantial amount. Surely there must be a way to give you, kind reader, a respite from the constant bombardment of literary magic afforded by my magnificent skills. Only one thing will do. That’s right………………

Asian Smiley Break! Huzzah!

>___< XD XD =] =] ^___^ O___o o___O =X XD ^___^

……….And how refreshing it was. How refreshing it was, indeed.

Moving on, I moved swiftly across the land in search of a mighty beast to slay (and you might recall I had nothing with which to do so except superior man coverage skills and a rather slick set of moves), as such an encounter would have greatly Enhanced the masterwork which I am currently undertaking. However, I inspected every plot of land I could find, only to discover an alarming dearth of gargantuan mythical creatures. I was perplexed. “Is this truly America?” I thought to myself. After all, what is this great Nation without monstrous scourges, banes to the general populace? Is that not the very principle on which we were founded?

This whole fiasco was leaving me rather discouraged. I was walking dejectedly when I came across a Local. As one might expect, I inquired as to the whereabouts of any grandiose foe whose immense scope might be such as to inspire some epic poetry. His response moved me like few I have heard before or since.

“Hither and yon, my son,” he said. “Hither and yon.” It is truly this brand of sage wisdom that inspired me to embark on this journey in the first place. O, heretofore lowly Local man, your words speak to me like the Scythes of Truth. If there are truly no such things as the Scythes of Truth, there ought to be. There well ought to be.