Image courtesy of Tom’s hand

Look around you, now! See a mirror? If you love me, you’ll shatter that thing. You’ll take the golf club next to your desk and you’ll put it through that bastard. Because mirrors are not cool. While I was just in the bathroom, I was pondering what makes mirrors tick. I had my face right up against it. I was staring into its very core—and I did not like what I saw. I think I may have discovered something about mirrors (and myself) that I really never knew before just now.

What do you think mirrors are made out of? Have you ever wondered why, when you look into that mirror in your bathroom, it seems every mark and every hair and every human flaw you possess seems to be highly defined? I think this is because mirrors are made out of two, maybe 3 layers. Of course I have not done research on the subject, because if I had a definite answer there’d be no need to write this whole theory, and I need something to do after 3:30 am; that’s why blogs exist. I think that mirrors first have a layer of glass. Your bathroom mirror likely has a layer of glass about 1/8 – 1/4 inch thick. Behind this glass is a super-highly-polished piece of metal. Let’s say… Aluminum. There is quite possibly a spiritual layer that I was sensing when I got too close, but this cannot be proven. I have, however, drawn a picture of what I think it might look like.

Image courtesy of Tom’s mind

But I’m digressing. It is not the individual materials that make mirrors evil, but rather the composite effect they have when they team up against your face. When you look closely into that mirror and notice everything more bold and defined, it is because you are getting two reflections. The top reflection is much lighter, and is from the glass. The much darker, truer reflection is from the polished metal. When these two combine, they create an overly defined, falsely flawed image of your imperfect face.  Any mark, and the lighter reflection adds an unsuspected measure of depth and attention to the spot.  So if you are self-concious about something on your face (perhaps that hideous growth?) and you want to feel better about yourself, avoid bathroom mirrors.  In fact, why don’t you just avoid mirrors altogether.  We want you to feel pretty, reader, and it’s hard to feel pretty when you’ve got that mug staring back at you.