I decided to start a new segment. It probably won’t be every week unless we start getting some more comments, but I’ll do it whenever we have enough to write about. Please understand, we’d love it if every single person who read the blog commented. It’s very cool to discuss the contents of a post with you guys. But, there are a few people who comment before they think and say some outrageous things. I usually respond to them there, but I decided I’m also going to call them out on their words here in a post dedicated to them. If they’d like to defend their words in the comments section of this post, then I’m more than happy to hear what they have to say. Infamous and whyme, you’re up this week! Keep reading for wacky comment goodness.

*We’ll go chronologically by date of post. First up is whyme, commenting on Pete’s If I Had A Nickel post. I’m going to break these down FJM style and try to figure out what is going on here, so let’s read on.

dear friend,

Aw… a friend of yours, Pete? (By the way, if it really is a friend of yours and this is all some big inside joke, please ignore the rest of this section and move onto the next post)

i will give u 20 million $…

Ok, so thus far this comment is a friend of yours offering you a hefty sum. If I were you, I’d take it. By the way, dollar sign comes before the amount.

pls dont ever write in this blog..pls……

Oh. I get it. See, he was saying the money thing as a witty counter-joke to the point you made in the post. So, Pete has been writing in this blog for a few months now, like the rest of us, and has never really had a complaint. Of course, there is nothing wrong with complaining. If you are a fan of the blog and feel a post doesn’t live up, then sound off about it. But at least tell us what’s wrong. And if it’s possible, please keep your dot count to a minimum. That’s a lot of periods surrounding that Internet slang.

whatever u write is not worth a plugged nickel .

I had to look this one up: “Not worth a plugged nickel” as an Americanism meaning “worthless” first appeared in print about 1912…. To “plug” a coin means to remove its center and to replace the missing part with a cheaper metal “plug.” (source) That’s harsh, but a little more clever than the $20 million joke. It is a pretty antiquated statement though. And honestly, can you say that something you said in this post was more worthwhile than what he wrote? Because all I’ve seen so far is 2 pretty corny jokes and a vague complaint.

i would be delighted to come to ur burial,embalming or cremation ..

What?? What the fuck? Ok, this is where your comment goes from a complaining old man to something insane. What is going on here? Is this a death threat? Because if it is, we take it pretty seriously. If Pete dies, we WILL send you an invitation to his final ceremonies. Then you’ll feel stupid, having to book plane tickets just to man up to your boast. But seriously, there is no place for stuff like this on the blog. We’re 3 normal young men, don’t write shit like this. Don’t be stupid.

The worst thing about “whyme” is that he is a coward. It’s very easy to remain anonymous on the Internet, but if you want to be taken seriously, don’t do it. Don’t use a fake name, a fake email address, a fake website, and a proxied IP number like whyme did. Because then the people you are trying to zing, who have the guts to put themselves out there on the Internet with no smoke and mirrors, will not listen to a word you say. Be a man, if you have something to say to us, say it with your own mouth.

THE second post I’m going to talk about is a little more intense. It belongs to Infamous, and was posted in my original Imus post.

Imus is a faggot ass bitch when i see him i going to kick his ass the bloods and crips and latino gangs talkin about getting him.

The first thing that stood out to me here, before all the awful grammar and lack of readability (come on, lets punctuate before we submit) was that Infamous says “when” instead of “if” he sees Don Imus. It’s a lock, apparently, that their paths will cross and Infamous will kick his ass. Now, I don’t mind you calling Imus names here, since he did the same thing to others. But are the 3 biggest gangs in America really uniting to take him down? Decades of gang violence brushed aside to unite under the common goal of getting back at an old man who said something offensive on the radio. Where do you get your inside tips, Infamous?

so he not safe faggot ass bitch i put braids in that nigga head

I isolated this because it makes me laugh every time I read it. Some of the slang might be lost on me, but the way I see it, Imus is unsafe because you’re going to braid his hair? Really? Also, in one word you said something more racist than Imus. But I guess that doesn’t count. Again, the lack of punctuation is funny because it makes me read it like a robot. I actually made the text-to-speech on my Mac read this whole email and it was hilarious.

As far asss white bitches fuck them to they the real hoes in pornos and all that shit fuck white women

Hey hey hey… let’s not insult white women here. My mother was a white woman. And are they really the real hoes? Let’s look at the facts: In a survey of prostitutes in 1998 Nearly 40% were white European/American, one-third were African American, and almost 20% were Latina (source). Seems like a pretty even split to me, 33-39% isn’t that big of a gap. And again, what you have said (in comical fashion) is much worse than anything Imus said. And I’m glad to see you get your opinion of women from porn, I would never have guessed. You sound ridiculous at this point. (By the way, I love the extra s’s in “as.” Makes it turn into ass, very clever.)
fuck white people its pay back time in this mothafucka. we going to hang yall with ropes and beat yall crackers with Sticks and pitch folks

Haha… this is my favorite part. First I’ll deal with the serious part; you are calling for an overthrow of the powers that be? A coup, perhaps genocide? That’s a pretty lofty goal. And honestly, pay back time for what? Don’t act like you have EVER honestly been oppressed by the white man. If anyone oppresses you, it’s because you don’t know how to speak clearly. Clean up the grammar a little bit and then tell me if you are really being held back. Don’t just assume that white people deserve to die, that mentality hasn’t been prevalent since Nazi Germany. Now, let’s get to what I found funny: pitch folks. Ha… do you really think that’s what the phrase is? It’s pitch fork. Get it, it has a long handle and sharp tines at the end, fork. And you can’t say cracker. That’s offensive. I can call my friends crackas, but don’t you dare say it. That’s racist. Especially with the -er. Seriously though, everything you’ve said has been horrendously racist. You are 100 times worse than every racist white person I’ve ever met. You might be saying the most racist things I’ve ever heard… but where is your 2 week suspension?

and who ever got a problem get at me my email address is right there are we can take it to the streets just tell me where you at and i get your ass and might put bullets in you nigga

Here’s a novel idea: instead of talking out your issues like Imus and the women’s basketball team are doing, find whoever disagrees with you and put bullets in them. You’re taking the high road there buddy. Say something offensive, then tell people that if they take issue with it, you’ll shoot them. I imagine that you’re just teeming with testosterone and looking for a reason to brag to your friends that you beat up some college whiteys. Well, don’t fill me with lead. If you have a problem with what I’m saying here, talk about it without sounding insane. Talk in a normal tone of voice and present rational opinions. If you want the MAN to stop holding you back, grow up and learn to settle your differences with words instead of resorting to violence like a child. Also, the email address was hidden, as is the case with the formatting of the blog. But, he quickly followed up this post with the following:

Freestyleking46@yahoo.com you bitch

Note: There was no one in particular that Infamous was attacking, since the post he was commenting on was anti-Imus. So I’m not really sure who the forementioned “bitch” is. So… if you have a problem with the bat-shit crazy racism he spewed in his comment, email him at that address. Then, because you did, he’ll shoot you. What are you waiting for, are you scared of being shot? Oh, you are? Yeah, I guess I am too now.

So there you have it. This post is a little lengthy, but it was either write this or do homework. And I really feel like these guys were just asking for attention with those comments, so now you’ve been brought front and center. If you want to defend yourself, feel free to comment on this post. And please, don’t shoot me. It’s constructive criticism, I’m just trying to help.