First off: please, please, PLEASE tell me the above picture was a real advertisement. Everything about it is flawless. And if someone knows that it wasn’t…just don’t say anything and avoid ruining it for me.  Whatever it is, it’s the first reason spam can be so great: it can direct me to a picture of this type.

Also, it can be very entertaining. I don’t get much spam on my school account, so when I do it’s noteworthy.  It was from “Excitement” and the subject heading was just “RE:” so something basically had to be up. Sure enough, I clicked it to find that “the dick [I] have dreamed of is possible now with Penis Enlarge Patch.” So…that’s pretty cool, I guess. Even this, however, paled compared to what followed the bottom of the page:

one  of  these  harmless little words when they tear their dresses  or dont
sentence,  clothed with an  awful and  unsuspected  power,  and crumbles theground
from under me. For instance, my book inquires after a certain bird --(it is  always
inquiring after things which are of no sort of no consequenceto  anybody):  Where 
is the  bird?  Now the answer  to  this question  --

That’s what it said. It doesn’t matter why…it just said that. It is meaningless gibberish that is also somehow profound in its meaninglessness. One can only wonder what the answer to this question is (judging by the way the rest of this mini-story is written, maybe something like, “Underneath the freedom tree beyond otherworldly realm hither queried pomegranate”), and personally, I would like to know. I might not click the link provided in the email if my life depended on it – even if it means giving up any shot at the dick I have dreamed of – but I would still like to know where the bird is. And that is how you get idiots like me to pay attention to worthless garbage.