“Amy Winehouse sings poorly and smokes crack. Please, stop honoring her.” — Tom Wright-Piersanti

HBO/Nicole Rivelli via Yahoo! TV
Fellow television lovers, tonight was a sad night for our favorite medium.  Nothing was on, at all, except the 50th Grammy Awards and The Wire (which was great).  The Grammys, in keeping with tradition, were pitiful.  I’ve always thought that the music business, by nature, is too fast-moving and widespread to actually give out awards, and every year The Grammys do their darnedest to prove me right.

But reading over the complete list, which is about 600 items long, I noticed a few standouts that weren’t mentioned during the telecast, other than a little blurb flashing across the bottom third of the screen.

In no particular order, here are the big ones they missed:

  • Rock Song: “Radio Nowhere,” Bruce Springsteen, songwriter (Bruce Springsteen)
  • Solo Rock Vocal Performance: “Radio Nowhere,” Bruce Springsteen.
  • Rock Instrumental Performance: “Once Upon a Time in The West,” Bruce Springsteen
  • Spoken Word: “The Audacity of Hope: Thoughts on Reclaiming the American Dream,” Barack Obama
  • Comedy Album: “The Distant Future,” Flight of the Conchords

I would have to imagine that speeches from these three people would have been more enjoyable than watching Brad Paisley sing “Check Your Tits.”