onion av club crossword

This week I was sitting at school, filling in the latest Onion A.V. Club crossword puzzle (consistently one of the best puzzles in the world).  By the time I finally realized the theme, I was so blown away that I wanted to run and tell someone what it was.  But I realized shortly thereafter that I don’t have any friends, so I came on here to tell you all about it.

The words highlighted in GREEN were clued “Private message that all the readers of the AV Club now get to listen in on.” Of course, this would be an impossible theme to just figure out, but with enough downs it became obvious that it was a marriage proposal! AWWW! And the message is cute, too. After I overcame my cute overload, I became incredibly jealous that someone had thought of this before me.  I was also angry that it wasn’t me getting married, and that I hadn’t eaten anything in about 18 hours.  Man, was I hungry.

The words in BLUE are the names of the two people involved with the proposal… Glenn was clued “Astronaut John (or the sender of the message),” and Hellene was “Native of Greece (or the intended recipient of the message).”  I got mad again, this time at Glenn for getting his name in the crossword puzzle.  Why couldn’t the answer have been Thomas Anthony Wright-Piersanti? Why didn’t Glenn ask ME to marry him?

And lastly, there was that little RED answer in the southeast corner. Advice to 25-Across (Hellene). God damn it, this crossword is just a barrel of smiles.

Every week, I finish the AV Club crossword puzzle and think “Man, that was a lot of fun.”  But this was the first time I’ve ever thought “That was the greatest grid of letters I’ve ever seen.” So kudos, creator Francis Heaney.