Note: I just found this saved as a draft from a month ago, with no content. I vaguely remember what it was about, but I liked the title too much to let it go to waste. I’ll try writing what I think I originally intended to.

As I was eating a peanut today (a month ago, actually), I was taken aback by the texture. I had never noticed it before then, but when my front teeth pierced the salted legume, a torrent of possibilities rushed into my mind. What exactly is a nut?

I don’t want some dictionary definition here, and I’m not looking for a Wikipedia entry. This is a question that your brain has to answer for you: What are nuts? I have come to the conclusion that they are soft, edible wood.

When you eat meat, you know it’s meat. It’s got that feeling in your mouth. The same can be said for fruit, or ice cream, or candy. They all have a feeling. But they can be boiled down beyond that, too. Meat is animal flesh, fruit is soft, juicy flesh from a plant. And candy is hard sugar. I know, you’re probably wondering where this is going. But I have a point, and it’s coming in the next sentence, if you’ll just go down one line and continue reading.

People may tell you “Nuts are just nuts, bro, back off and don’t think too much about them.” And that same argument can be said for meat, fruit, etc. But these things are more. They are easily defined just by the way they feel in your mouth. And nuts, be it peanut or walnut, pecan or almond, are made out of wood.

Think about it. Imagine you took some soft wood from a sapling and roasted it up crispy with some salt, or maybe even a touch of honey. Think about how that would feel. Mmmmm… yeah, that’s the ticket. Tastes like… NUTS!

Alright, maybe I was a bit in over my head trying to write this post based just on the wacky title I wrote a month ago. But next time you’re snacking on some Planters, I dare you to try not thinking “Wow… this kind of does seem like I’m eating wood.”

(Sorry everyone who reads this… if you now feel stupider because of it, I’ll give you a back rub free of charge. That’s called the Tom Guarantee.)