Today, my brother received two text messages that changed my life simply by reading them. Many of you may be familiar with the chain letter, and its digital era brother the chain email. But far fewer adults are aware of the toxic waste that is the chain text message.

The problem with them is that texts are immediate, so this chain phenomenon now takes place much more quickly. Also, there is less space available to plead your case, so they are much more poorly written. But I figured I’d share it with you, because you deserve to hear this harrowing tale that could only be properly told in a bold font with my own comments interspersed throughout.

Read this message do not delete it or ignore it.

If you didn’t read that sentence before deleting or ignoring this, you would have had no idea that you were not supposed to do those things. No guilt there.

One day A girl was dreaming about the perfect guy and she recieved this message. She Read it a few times and sent it to all her friends. The next day at the mall she saw her Dream guy. He walked up to her and they became best friends and eventually went out and were married years later.

Random capital Words? Always a good Sign that awesome Writing Is ahead. And just reading that last sentence makes me feel ridiculous for being single… it’s just that easy! Meet, fall in love, marriage, one sentence.

A boy was texting his girlfriend when he recieved this message. He read it and laughed and deleted it, thinking his life cudnt get any better.

This is chapter two of the story, I think. I already don’t like this boy… his blatant disregard for this important text pisses me off. I hope something happens to three people he knows.

Then two days later wen he wuz suppost to go out wit his girl she never showed up and as he wuz driving away he heard on the radio his girlfriend had been in a car accident and died. He also lost his mother and his best friend.

Double whammy here folks! The first sentence is an abortion of the English language and goes on forever. Then, just as an added sick bonus, they toss in the shortest sentence in the whole story, and it’s the one that warrants the biggest explanation. How did both of those people also die, and why are we glazing over it, when we took so long to describe the tragic passing of some floozy?

He decided to find the message and he sent it.  he found out his girlfriend and best friend were not dead. Just in a coma.

He must have found the message in the giant pile of old text messages he stored in his room. What good luck, they weren’t dead! So the funerals he attended were just a hilarious misunderstanding.

His mom did not survive.

HAHA! Guess the text can’t fix everything!

If u care about the ppl around u, U will send this to ten ppl b4 midnite and sumthin will make u very happy, go! no send backs….

Well, what are you waiting for? Start sending! And remember the golden rule: no send backs. If you send back, your mom stays dead. That’s the moral of the story, I think.