Rutgers just sent out a mass email announcing that Tropical Storm Hanna is on her way, and gave students sites they could visit to check the campus status. The obvious one,, just tells students whether or not classes are in session.

But they also gave us a link to, the home page for the New Brunswick campus. And on that site, instead of having a status, they have a button leading to the first link they gave us. Not sure why they saw it necessary to include that second link, but I’m glad they did, because it features this gem of a button:

The way I see it, Rutgers is actually run by 275-year-old men who sit in a basement in some Old Queens building reading meteorological charts, deciding whether or not students should go to class that day. This dimmed, stretched image is the only known photograph of them.

The men are unaware of modern bus technology, having not left the basement since 1810, so they judge weather based on a horse’s ability to gallop through it unharmed. Rutgers is also often canceled on windy days, because a man should not be seen in public without his powdered wig attatched firmly to his scalp.

It’s all starting to make sense now.