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When I first started doing today’s NY Times crossword, the only thing on the grid were circles where I now have red outlines. That’s a swastika, right there.

This puzzle design is... questionable.

This puzzle design is... questionable.

Now, I can’t be the only one who saw this today. Come on, people, that’s a Nazi puzzle! Maybe creator Peter A. Collins really didn’t see the swastika outline he designed, but I think it’s hard to miss.

Completed puzzle image via Rex Parker

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That’s the TOMCAT Snap Trap, one of the best kills in the mouse trap game. Guaranteed to rid your house of mice! (Guarantee not guaranteed.) Cleanup is a breeze — just take it to the trash, open it up, and the mouse drops right now. Your little mouse problem will be solved in just a few days, no fuss, no muss.

Unless you’re a wuss. Then, you begin to think about the little mouse as you’re getting ready to smear peanut butter on the trigger. And you think about his adorable adventures, and the mouse children waiting for him to come home so they can give him hugs. And then it becomes a whole lot harder to set that trap.

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I made a mistake today. Cromwell was telling me how he uses his Blackberry to check his Compare People rankings on Facebook, and I thought, “Oh boy! I wonder what my rankings are!” This inquisitve nature, that has led me down so many new and exciting educational paths, can also sometimes lead to trouble.

Compare People is a Facebook app where two of your friends are pitted against each other in a specific challenge, and you choose who should win. “I have lots of friends,” I thought. “My rankings are gonna be awesome!”

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While cruising today’s New York Times headlines, I came across a blog article about a comment presidential candidate Barack Obama recently made during a campaign speech. Quoting a very old saying, Obama remarked, “You can put lipstick on a pig – it’s still a pig.” Out of the context of current politics, this saying could be interpreted, in simplest terms, as saying that a bad thing, dressed up to appear good, is still bad. However, as Palin describes her own “hockey mom” persona as a pit bull with lipstick, there are many who interpret this remark as Obama calling Governor Palin a pig.

Now, the more intelligent among us can clearly see that, if anything, Palin is the lipstick and not the pig – a pretty face slapped on the ticket to try to distract us from the shortcomings of John McCain. However, there are folks out there who merely see:

(word associated with Palin) + (unsavory farm animal) = CONTROVERSY!!!

As I sifted through the comments section, purely to entertain and intentionally anger myself, I came across some real gems as far as good ol’ fashion mindless comments are concerned.  This one, though, took the cake. Read the rest of this entry »

Rutgers just sent out a mass email announcing that Tropical Storm Hanna is on her way, and gave students sites they could visit to check the campus status. The obvious one, campusstatus.rutgers.edu, just tells students whether or not classes are in session.

But they also gave us a link to nb.rutgers.edu, the home page for the New Brunswick campus. And on that site, instead of having a status, they have a button leading to the first link they gave us. Not sure why they saw it necessary to include that second link, but I’m glad they did, because it features this gem of a button:

The way I see it, Rutgers is actually run by 275-year-old men who sit in a basement in some Old Queens building reading meteorological charts, deciding whether or not students should go to class that day. This dimmed, stretched image is the only known photograph of them.

The men are unaware of modern bus technology, having not left the basement since 1810, so they judge weather based on a horse’s ability to gallop through it unharmed. Rutgers is also often canceled on windy days, because a man should not be seen in public without his powdered wig attatched firmly to his scalp.

It’s all starting to make sense now.

This will be the most boring post you’ve ever seen, ever. That’s because I just learned the US Postal Service has technical specifications for all the stamps available on their site. What tech specs could a stamp have, you naively ask? EAT THIS:

OH YEAH. THATS WHY WE HAVE AN INTERNET BABY!

(PS: The artist who made it is named Carl, and is from Carlsbad CA. Do you think his self esteem is tragically low?)

(PPS: They made 1.5 billion of these stamps. That’s an unbelievably high number. I’m surprised people still used the mail, what with the E-Mails and all.)

The new ad for the Chevy Volt claims the car “can go 40 miles before it uses any gas at all.” It also shows a time lapse of the evolution of the automobile and the gas station, before eventually watching it all decompose and turn back to earth. It ends on a pristine field between two mountains, without a visible sign of the humans who once existed there.

It’s pretty deep stuff. It reminds me of the poem “There Will Come Soft Rains” by Sarah Teasdale

There will come soft rains and the smell of the ground,
And swallows circling with their shimmering sound;

And frogs in the pool singing at night,
And wild plum trees in tremulous white;

Robins will wear their feathery fire,
Whistling their whims on a low fence-wire;

And not one will know of the war, not one
Will care at last when it is done.

Not one would mind, neither bird nor tree,
If mankind perished utterly;

And Spring herself when she woke at dawn
Would scarcely know that we were gone.

Wikipedia: “The poem deals with nature reclaiming the earth after the disappearance of the human race, and the small overall impact humanity left on the planet. It illustrates the unimportance of humans.”

So thanks, Chevy. Now I’m all freaked out.

Since I got my new computer, I’ve been making sure to take full advantage of its processing power. While ripping DVDs last night, I saw Macbethketball, the classic film we made in high school. It’s been four years (what?) since we made it, but if you’re familiar with the Shakespeare play, you will certainly agree that it stands the test of time.

And if you haven’t read Macbeth, just enjoy it anyway. It’s awesome, and it’s finally on YouTube.

PS: It’s also on Google Video as one full-length video, and you can see the unedited version there too. But who watches Google Video?

About a month ago, my PowerBook G4 suffered a slow, painful death. In a desperate attempt to save her, I installed Leopard, and thankfully backed up all my data before doing so. It turned out that Leopard was the kiss of death — once the install finished, she never booted again. I never even got to say goodbye.

The PowerBook fails upon booting

The PowerBook fails upon booting

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Today, my brother received two text messages that changed my life simply by reading them. Many of you may be familiar with the chain letter, and its digital era brother the chain email. But far fewer adults are aware of the toxic waste that is the chain text message.

The problem with them is that texts are immediate, so this chain phenomenon now takes place much more quickly. Also, there is less space available to plead your case, so they are much more poorly written. But I figured I’d share it with you, because you deserve to hear this harrowing tale that could only be properly told in a bold font with my own comments interspersed throughout.

Read this message do not delete it or ignore it.

If you didn’t read that sentence before deleting or ignoring this, you would have had no idea that you were not supposed to do those things. No guilt there.

One day A girl was dreaming about the perfect guy and she recieved this message. She Read it a few times and sent it to all her friends. The next day at the mall she saw her Dream guy. He walked up to her and they became best friends and eventually went out and were married years later.

Random capital Words? Always a good Sign that awesome Writing Is ahead. And just reading that last sentence makes me feel ridiculous for being single… it’s just that easy! Meet, fall in love, marriage, one sentence.

A boy was texting his girlfriend when he recieved this message. He read it and laughed and deleted it, thinking his life cudnt get any better.

This is chapter two of the story, I think. I already don’t like this boy… his blatant disregard for this important text pisses me off. I hope something happens to three people he knows.

Then two days later wen he wuz suppost to go out wit his girl she never showed up and as he wuz driving away he heard on the radio his girlfriend had been in a car accident and died. He also lost his mother and his best friend.

Double whammy here folks! The first sentence is an abortion of the English language and goes on forever. Then, just as an added sick bonus, they toss in the shortest sentence in the whole story, and it’s the one that warrants the biggest explanation. How did both of those people also die, and why are we glazing over it, when we took so long to describe the tragic passing of some floozy?

He decided to find the message and he sent it.  he found out his girlfriend and best friend were not dead. Just in a coma.

He must have found the message in the giant pile of old text messages he stored in his room. What good luck, they weren’t dead! So the funerals he attended were just a hilarious misunderstanding.

His mom did not survive.

HAHA! Guess the text can’t fix everything!

If u care about the ppl around u, U will send this to ten ppl b4 midnite and sumthin will make u very happy, go! no send backs….

Well, what are you waiting for? Start sending! And remember the golden rule: no send backs. If you send back, your mom stays dead. That’s the moral of the story, I think.