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Anyone who follows my twitter (EVERYONE SHOULD!) knows that today I’ve been a little obsessed with Rihanna. Some sample tweets:

Pros: Great voice, beautiful.
Cons: Possibly used to be a man.
As great as she is… I can’t stop thinking about that damn con!

Best Rihanna song: “Unfaithful”
Worst Rihanna song: “Post-op Blues”
Mediumest Rihanna song: “What Happened To My Weiner? (Feat. T.I.)”

So while researching her past, I was reminded of her first song, Pon De Replay, and wondered, “What the heck did that mean?” So I decided to check out what they were saying over at SongMeanings. Consensus seems to be that “pon” means “put on” and “de” means “the.” Simple enough, it means “play the song again.” But in the comments, I happened across one man’s fantastic story. His name: Foxwing.


The way I see it, poor Foxwing wrote his comment and felt good about it for a day or so. Then he realized his mistake, but it was too late. He spiraled into depression, fearing every Hispanic person he saw would know his terrible error. After a short stint in rehab, he moved West and found Jesus. Only then, after almost two years of meditation and planning, was he finally ready to admit his mistake to the Internet. His inclusion of squinty-eyed flat mouth man was the perfect touch on his formal admittance of the mistake, and he now lives a very happy life traveling through South America teaching heathen tribes the ways of the Lord. And he never calls them Mexicans.